“… Sometimes the light’s all shining on me
Other times I can barely see
Lately it occurs to me
What a long, strange trip it’s been” – Grateful Dead
Before and After
I waited 10 months before finally writing up this epilogue. It took me that long to really get a handle on my thoughts and my emotions. I still feel depressed and miss the trail at times. Not sure if/when those feelings will ever go away.
I can attest that post-thru-hike depression is a real thing. The first 2-3 days home felt strange but not too much different from taking a double zero. But it quickly became apparent that I was back in civilization and that the greatest experience of my life was over. And that I would probably never be able to get those feelings back.
I did almost nothing but eat for the first month back home. And think back on the past 6 months on trail. It is almost impossible to explain these feelings to somebody who has not had a similar experience. There is a longing for the people, the places, the experiences, and the total freedom that came with it. Suddenly you are back in civilization and time, hours and days and weeks, have more meaning again. Instead of days and weeks being wake, eat, pack, hike, camp, eat, sleep at 8:30 p.m., repeat….the days are now structured. Wake up, take care of the kids, take care of today’s errands/chores, make dinner, watch TV, try to sleep and make sure to get to sleep by 1:00 a.m. The weeks are punctuated by events like putting out the trash, putting out the recycling, shopping for groceries, washing the dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the house, paying the bills, repeating. There is no more adventure and excitement wondering what challenge you will encounter today or what amazing views you will have. As I said, post-trail depression is a real thing.
Some things that I found strange and took me a little while to get used to:
- Driving again
- Shaving
- Same clothes (2 shirts, one pair of pants) for 6 months
- Checking email
- Not walking every day
- Not looking at the Far Out app 50 times a day to check my location and progress and to plan the next day.
- Not worrying about how much my food and water weigh.
I don’t have many regrets from my thru-hike experience, but there are a few. I originally wanted to be away from people. What I realized later in my hike was that I should have started a few weeks earlier. The last 2 months of the hike were too lonely even for me. It would have been good to have more people around. I also regret not having a larger, more robust trail family the entire trip. I had wonderful times being with the people that I met, but those times were too few or too short.
The big things that I learned on this thru-hike include:
- Relationships are very important.
- Anxiety sucks.
- There is strength in numbers.
- You never really know what you can do physically and emotionally until you push yourself to the limit.
- That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
A few items for context:
- Left Poolesville on April 12 and drove to Amicalola Falls, Georgia.
- Day 1 of my hike started with the Approach Trail on April 14, 2024.
- I hiked over 2100 miles through 14 states from Georgia to Maine.
- Elevation gain and loss of 464,464 ft., or more than 89 miles. Equivalent to hiking Mt. Everest from sea level and back 16 times.
- Day 176 of my hike ended on Mount Katahdin in Maine on October 6, 2024.
- Flew from Bangor, Maine back to Maryland on October 7, 2024.
My current plans are to take a break for a few months, then start getting back in shape so that I can do a LASH on the AT from Harper’s Ferry to Roanoke with my friend Ed in the spring and thru-hike the Colorado Trail next fall. I plan to thru-hike the PCT in 2026.
