Day 137 – Zero at Inn at Long Trail

“Lately I’ve been on the road more than I’ve been home.

All this leaving her alone is killing me.

And holding her, right now, has got me thinking more and more,

This is right where I need to be.” – Gary Allan

Up at 7:30. Rainy as predicted. Packed up gear to send home: summer quilt, fan, pack cover, shorts, short-sleeve shirt, underwear, sunglasses, carabiner, sandals, whistle. Had breakfast at the hotel then took a bus to the post office and shipped a package home. Got more cash as lots of services are cash-only lately. Walked .3 miles to the outfitter and bought a new fuel can. These new Merrell Hydro Moc water shoes are nice. Very solid on my feet and feel good. 

Made reservations at the Notch Hostel in NH for 09/05 and 09/06. Packed up a few items I’m shipping ahead to the Notch hostel. Bought propel on Amazon for Dana to ship to the Notch hostel along with my last pair of shoes. Made a shuttle reservation for 9:30 tomorrow morning with Cooper Cab again.

Uploaded 10 days’ worth of blogs including this one. Replanned the next 10 days in detail. 

Now for some thoughts on this journey……

As you may notice from my blog entries for the last few weeks, I have been struggling a bit. This journey is hard. Really hard. Both physically and mentally. Especially mentally/emotionally. 

There are several things that are factoring into my mental struggles, I think. 

The first and biggest is loneliness.  I did big parts of the trail solo earlier, but I guess I got used to not being alone. Who would have thought that introvert me, Chuck, was a social creature that craved company…at least from time to time? 

The second is the difficulty of the trail. Most of this deals with what is looming on the horizon…New Hampshire and Maine. The White Mountains, the Presidentials, the Wildcats, the Bigelows, the Hundred-Mile Wilderness, etc. I half joke that the last 1700+ miles has all been training for the Whites. These mountains are tall, steep, very rocky in parts (think hand-over-hand climbing, not walking), and prone to major weather changes (wind, cold, clouds, rain) with little notice. This may make the Smokies look comfortable. 

Dana knows that I have been nervous about the Whites since day one. And I really did not want to do them solo. Oh well!

Third is the overall grind of doing this for the last four months. It wears on you physically (knees, feet, back, etc.). It also slowly wears at you emotionally…I’m ready to be done, I miss my friends/family/dogs, I miss my bed, I miss real food, etc.

Also, it’s getting dark earlier. Much earlier. Depending on weather and which side of the mountain I’m on, it’s DARK at 7:30 instead of 9:00.

Stir all the above together and what do you get? I’m not sure exactly, but it’s where my head has been lately. I have good days and bad days. Hell, more like good hours and bad hours. 

I have made a few changes lately to help with all of this. The biggest change is shorter miles. I’m not doing 17 or 20+ mile days anymore. I’m staying in the 12-15 max range. Those last 2-3 hours each day were getting physically painful and I ended up with very little daylight at camp. Shortening the miles lets me get into camp with an hour or two to relax and enjoy life instead of rushing and eating in the dark. This has helped A LOT.

The other change I have intentionally made is to do a lot more hostel/hotel destinations. That’s probably obvious from my blogs and goes hand in hand with the shorter miles. Part of me feels a little guilty about this, but the other part says “screw it, this is your retirement, have fun”. I’m mainly listening to that later part. 

These changes have helped a lot, especially the shorter miles. This does push my finish date out to the second week in October, which increases the chances of bad weather (cold and possibly snow), but I’m dealing with that. 

So, why am I still doing this, you may ask? Good question. I can’t really articulate the answer to that question. But that’s for a future blog 🙂 And yes, Paul Hooper, it may be PARTIALLY what you worried about, but only partially. 

Final note on this topic. What I am going through isn’t unusual. I have read many blogs and watched lots of videos from people doing this trek. It is frustrating, but that comes with the territory.

Enough for today. I had dinner at the pub in the hotel and joined the weekly Kile family video chat this evening. It’s been a long time since I attended one of those. 

Technical Notes:

• Apple juice 125
• Omelette 400
• Coffee x 3 100
• Body armor 220
• Seltzer 200
• Oreos 160
• Guinness 420
• Bacon cheeseburger and chips 1400
• Misc 600
• Water 
• Miles – 6.7 filler miles to even out my blue blaze yesterday and yellow blaze 3.5 miles tomorrow 
• Time 
• Elevation gain 
• Calories consumed 4000
• Calories burned 2300